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1) Know exactly how you feel about what happened and
be able to articulate specifically what about the
situation is not OK. Then tell 1 or 2 trusted friends
the specifics of what was not OK.
2) Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have
to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you, not for
anyone else.
3) Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation (it may
or may not happen). Forgiveness is not condoning
mistreatment. What you are after with forgiveness is to
find peace. It includes taking the life experience less
personal, and changing your grievance story.
4) Get a life serving perspective on what is
happening. Recognize that your primary distress is
coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts, and physical
upset your are suffering now, not what offended you 2
minutes or 10 years ago. Your forgiveness relieves
those hurt feelings and helps healing and improved
health.
5) At the moment you feel upset practice a simple
stress relief technique to soothe the bodies fight or
flight response.
6) Give up expecting things from other people that
they do not choose to give you. Recognize the
unenforceable rules you have for your health or how you
think other people should behave. Remind yourself that
you can wish, hope, or visualize health, love, peace,
and prosperity and you can take action to them.
7) Put your energy into looking for another way to
get your positive goals met than through the experience
that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your
hurt, seek out new ways to get what you want.
8) Remember that a life well lived is your best
revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings,
and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power
over you, learn to look for the love, beauty, and
kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal
power.
9)
Amend your grievance story to remind you of the
heroic choice to forgive.
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