In defining what forgiveness is, it’s
helpful to first say what forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness is not:
- Reconciling
- Forgetting
- Pardoning
- Condoning
- Excusing
- Denying
Forgiveness is a process in which
one who has suffered an unjust injury experiences a
positive change in feeling toward the offender, chooses
to give up the right to resentment and retaliation, and
instead offers mercy to the offender. Forgiveness is
voluntary and unconditional, does not depend on apology
or recognition of wrongdoing by the offender, and may or
may not lead to a renewed relationship.
When we are mistreated by someone
close to us, it’s natural to feel angry and hurt. These
feelings are a signal to us and meant to be fleeting
emotions not permanent fixtures. Because someone has
hurt you does not mean you have to suffer indefinitely.
There is a specific process
people go through to forgive. It’s a teachable
skill. There are significant benefits:
- Our own acknowledgement that we are not victims
of the past
- Reduce the stress in your body that often leads
to burnout and physical problems
- Take responsibility for our choices, behaviors,
and our life
- Increases our own general well being and mental
health
Knowing isn’t the same as doing.
Knowing these benefits intellectually doesn’t fix it by
itself. Even though there may be a great deal of
suffering associated with not forgiving, one needs to
respect their own timing about when they are ready to
forgive. Readiness to forgive involves switching gears
to a more emotional, meditative frame of mind.
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